I came home from work the other night to my husband and my son butting heads... more of that later, first a little background info.
My hubby is an interesting combination; South African, super sporty, super nerdy/ smart and approval seeker extaordinaire! If a teacher told him to do something, he DID IT, BY THE BOOK. He loathes other people's disapproval whether he knows them and values their input or not.
Back to the head butting... Our son's teacher has stipulated that each student must do 20 minutes reading every night on top of homework and hubby (who was and still is an avid reader, as is daughter) doesn't feel that son is doing it consistently enough and when asked didn't even know where his novel was. Shocking! Hubby was irate, felt like he couldn't get through, kept walking away and coming back to say something else that son wouldn't hear anyway because he stopped listening when the shouting started (just like his dad does!). When he finally walked away to speak with me in the kitchen the "BIG FEAR"(BF) that was driving the emotion and frustration came tumbling out and it went something like this:
Me: Babe, is you hassling him getting you further away or closer to your desired outcome?
Him: What would you have me do, just give up on him EVER being a reader?
Me: Is that true? He's not a reader? He reads. A lot actually. He just doesn't read like you or daughter. You're making comparisons and that sucks for him.
Him: I'm not! He doesn't even know what he is reading, he obviously hasn't picked up his novel in so long that he can't find it anymore...
Me: and that means?.... that you think he'll never read a novel and he'll never amount to anything because if he is not doing it at 10 years old it's never going to happen? (BF) Remember a couple years ago when I was like this around what he ate? My BF being if he is not eat organic leafy green vegetables and lots of exotic foods like I do and his sister does, then he'll still be eating egg in hole when he's 20! Now he has green smoothies every day, grows herbs and lettuce, eats almost all veg, he just prefers them raw, which is better for him anyway.
Son reads reference books every evening. Has primate, wildlife, amphibian books plus all the Guinness books and Ripley's believe it or not books that he looks up animals, draws them and writes up their stats, researches insects on the internet, printed out 3 pages on ants the other day and read every bit of it. Why is that not as valid as a novel?
Him: (walks away to think)
10 minutes later....
Him: I hadn't thought of that. He does love reading those books and it IS still reading, even if his teacher says novels (approval).
Hubby went and apologised to son, as a parent should when he realises he has handled something badly. Showing our fears and failings is one of the best lessons we can teach our kids, and teaching forgiveness, of ourselves and toward each other is a more important skill than any book can teach.
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